To 29 Year Old Me:
Girl, what a life that is waiting for you.
I know your about to get some crazy, disappointing and stressful news.
It’s gonna rock you a bit.
I know you had some mile markers all planned out.
You did all the things first, thinking this would be the easy part.
You’ve lived with such control your whole life.
Planning has always lessened your anxiety and gave you a (false) sense of security.
Guess what beautiful girl...
You don’t and won’t have any control over this.
But you know what, the life waiting for you will be absolutely worth every tear, every moments spent worrying or wondering.
God hears you. He hears your cry, your heart. He knows your desire.
I know you’ll be staring down this narrow path in anticipation and anxiety.
You’ll watch others have their miracles, you’ll break but graciously celebrate their gift.
You’ll do that over and over.
You cry, the deepest tears.
You’re heart will ache.
You’ll feel left behind.
But He hears you.
He will guide you and comfort you in the darkest of days.
I wish I could hold you & soothe your broken heart.
I wish I could be there for you in that silent pain.
You will need that.
I see behind the smile.
You conceal it so well.
It’s going to be isolating, lonely and feel so confusing.
There is a lot of waiting, golly girl... so much waiting.
My darling girl, you will do great. It will be hard, but you will persevere.
You will find strength you didn't know that you had.
You should see them.
Snuggled up with you on the couch.
The sound of their laughter and the way they say “Momma”.
They are the most perfect and wonderful gifts you could ever imagine.
Worth every.single.moment. of your journey.
Every set back.
Every moment spent overcoming fear.
Every lie in your head telling you it could all be for nothing.
Stay the course.
Don’t ever give up.
Don’t lose hope.
Written & Posted on 04/01/2021